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Russian Roulette
silly, chanyeol
chanyeoja

Fanfic: Russian Roulette.
Length: 4,325 words.
Genre: Romance, Drama, Character Death, Horror/Dark, and Hurt/Comfort.
Pairing: Kris/Chanyeol
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Character Death, Violence.
Summary: Kris and Chanyeol play the game of Russian Roulette.



The night was pitch dark out. There was no wind making hair ruffle uncontrollably or giving the street any noise by rustling lone flyers. The area was absolutely still and silent. The moon shined brilliantly, providing one of the only bits of life. Small and timid stars surrounded the moon, as if too scared to shine by their own.

A tall man walked down the streets, disturbing the peace with the soft, gentle noise of his feet against the pavement. His hands were dug into his pockets, lips tightly formed in a straight line and his eyes set straight ahead. Against his fingers rested a single bullet, the cool metal pressed against his skin. He rolled the small, portable piece of death between his fingertips carefully, finding some entertainment in the action.

He continued to walk before coming upon a building. His eyes scanned the walls, it covered with graffiti. Bright, bubbled characters rested on the building. Some were as innocent as names and anniversaries while others were only advertisements. However, there were the darker ones, ones of profanity, death dates, and threats.

A small sigh slipped past his lips, the breath brushing against the inner bits of his lips. Upon one of the previously unoccupied spaces lay the words ‘RUSSIAN ROULETTE’ followed by the date of ‘120506’. It took a few moments to contain his irritation at that site and to fight his temptation to punch the wall. The nerve…

“Kris...”
“Chanyeol, what the hell do you want? We’re not supposed to be near each other.”
“I know you want out… want out of it all, just like I do.”
“For the last time, I do –“
“Stop lying to yourself and listen to me for once!”

“Idiot.” The man grumbled before making his way into the building, letting the door shut behind him once when he walked in. The apartment was well abandoned, this being displayed quite well by the cobwebs curled up in the corners of the ceiling. His footsteps just seemed to be louder as he went on, them echoing in the hall.

He followed a distant light until it brought him to a fairly large room. A single bulb hung from the ceiling, dangling occasionally with the vibration that led up to the strand that kept it hanging. There was a table in addition to this room, followed by two chairs. One was well occupied while another rested, empty, across the table.

Seated in the other chair was a male, also tall in height but displayed more of a youthful, childish face than the man standing. His hair was frizzy and out of control, sticking out in every direction while large eyes focused upon what was held in his hand – a revolver.

Swallowing the spit that was building up, the man’s mouth once more grew dry as he made his way to the chair. The other male’s eyes didn’t raise, however, his ears did perk up. Finally, the man took a seat in the chair and carefully rested the bullet upon the table, it rolling a bit before coming to a stop.

“Put it in, Chanyeol.” The man ordered, his eyes hard and harsh. Not alarmed or intimidated by the nature of the man, Chanyeol simply nodded and removed the cap he placed on the back of the cylinder. Turning it around to face him, he took a few seconds before deciding on a slot that the bullet would go into. Finally, he tremulously slipped the bullet into the slot and placed the cap back on.

“There’s two bullets in there, right?”
“Yes, Kris… I still don’t understand why  you want two in there as it takes away the ga –“
“I just want two in there, okay?! Now shut up and spin the cylinder!”

There was a moment of silence before Chanyeol slide his thumb against the cylinder, the ticking of its rotation building beads of perspiration on both foreheads. Chanyeol chewed on his lower lip, his mouth going dry as the revolver finally stopped.

“I know my life can’t get better… I wanted a way to escape it, and, I knew I wasn’t alone. I thought I might as well end my life with a more… entertaining way of suicide, I suppose you could say. So, here we are today. I’m guessing that’s why you wanted two in here, Kris, because you w –“
“I don’t believe that unnecessary dialogue was a part of this game, now was it?”

Chanyeol simply shook his head, not wishing to get into an argument at this moment of his life. A small smile played on his lips even though nothing really was bringing him any joy. His bug eyes finally fell on Kris’s face, locking eyes with the older male.

“One confession per try, okay?”

Kris studied Chanyeol’s face for some time, taking in the bits of it. His fake smile that seemed to continuously reappear for so long and his eyes flooded with depression. Why not try to make his last moments as enjoyable was possible? With a stiff nod, Kris tightened his fingers in his lap, his fingernails digging into the palm of his hand as his throat grew tight.

“I-I… thought joining the gang would help my depression. I was so desperate for a way to escape, I thought that… by providing other people pain it would help me… By instantly getting friends by joining a gang, it would make me happy… But I was wrong. Whenever I walk by this building, I always look at the death dates I wrote… myself… I don’t think I was ever happy, Kris… I was… desperate… to try and find it.”

There was silence in the room. It wasn’t an awkward one but more of silent understanding. Although Kris said nothing, it seemed to come across to Chanyeol that he understood what he meant and that he was sympathetic. It also never crossed Kris’s mind that Chanyeol was lying. He certainly wouldn’t be when your life was quite literally flashing by your eyes with every second.

His lip ran against his dry lip as his eyes laid on Chanyeol’s hand shaking, and quite violently at that.  With a deep breath, Chanyeol brought it up and rested the muzzle against his temple. “O-On three?” Kris simply nodded, knowing that the outcome would be bad either way.

“O-One…” Kris began to speak, this voice cracking far more than he expected, “T-T-Tw-“ Then, a simple click rung in the room. His eyes narrowed to make his already small eyes even tinier as he glared at the still living Chanyeol, smiling an innocent one. Letting out a relieved breath, he rested the revolver on the table, the gun shaking against it before he removed his fingers from it.

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

Chanyeol simply shrugged before biting on his lower lip, eyeing the revolver, now that a bit of weight had been lifted from him. “Your turn…” Kris sighed and took the revolver into his hand.

“You’re scared, huh?”
“I’m n –“
“You shouldn’t try to lie to me when you’re trembling so intensely like that.” Kris glanced down at his hand and couldn’t help but to deny that he was, indeed, trembling.

“My brother… made me join the gang.”


“Aren’t you sick of living on the streets like this, Kris?”

Wu Fan simply sighed in reply and curled back up on his mattress, springs poking out from the top on various places. Besides him rested a bag filled with his clothes and any food he had managed to snag for the time being.

“Well, of course you would be. Wouldn’t it be nice, Kris? To have money like me, to live life like you’ve always wanted to…”
“Stop calling me Kris – my name is Wu Fan.”
“Come to my place tonight, Kris, if you want to join. We’ll welcome you with open arms.”

“I had been living in the streets for some time… My parents kicked me out because of poor grades, so, I just left my hometown… just like my brother had before. He always told me if I was going to leave then to come to the city he had went to in order to find him.”

“Ay, you came!”

Standing in the loft was a bunch of men; the next one just was disgusting and intimidating as the previous. Kris just nodded in reply, his hands protectively wrapped around his garbage bag of clothing. His brother pushed him into the building, obviously pleased that he had came.

The boys welcomed Wu Fan just as well as his brother said they would – except, not with open arms, not even close. They all grunted over some takeout food which Wu Fan devoured quickly before excusing himself to find a spot to sleep in this loft, who, he assumed they all shared.

Upon opening a door, he saw a boy, curled up on one of the beds. His hair lay everywhere and was clearly unmanaged. Wu Fan walked over and dropped his bag on the ground besides the bed, briefly examining the boy and his babyish face. Suddenly, the eyelids of the baby face were lifted, revealing a pair of huge eyes.

“Are… Are… Are you –“ His words were cut off by a yawn as the boy sat up, rubbing one of his eyes and ruffling his messy hair for a moment before continuing. “Kris?”

Wu Fan examined him for a moment, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. It was likely that his brother had told the gang about his joining, but, a kid like him couldn’t be in this gang, right…?

“Are you in the gang?” Kris questioned, and, this was replied with a cheery nod. Well, that was certainly unexpected, but, he must be a secret weapon for that reasoning.

“So, Kris, right?”

Kris? Even though he hated the nick name his brother made for him, which, was protested with commenting that every gang member needed their own ‘cool’ name, the way… The way this kid said it didn’t send shivers up his spine like when his brother said it. The boy spoke that syllable genuinely and kindly, a way in which he didn’t actually hate it, but… was actually fond of it.

“Yeah, I’m Kris.”


“So, I joined the gang. I don’t think I really minded it, though… I mean, I got a place to sleep and stuff to eat, regardless of doing horrible tasks. This a pretty… lame confession, but, I never told anybody this ever since I’ve joined the gang. My name is Wu Fan, not Kris.”

Chanyeol was looking at his hands this whole time, something that Kris simply brushed off his shoulder. Suddenly, with even just the smallest raising on his hand, his breathing began heavy and more difficult. His chest condensed as bits of his life ran by his mind.

With much difficulty, his hand growing heavy, Kris spun the cylinder, each second dragging on longer than the last. While it spun, he positioned the muzzle against the side of his forehead - it was cool against his skin, providing a shiver down his body. Finally, with a few slow clicks, the cylinder fell on its slot. Gulping, Kris lightly brushed his fingertip against the trigger, his breathing beginning to quiver.

“Kris?”

Kris gasped loudly as the silence was broken, his eyes snapping from absentmindedly looking at the ground to Chanyeol’s face. Upon seeing his guilty expression, Kris softened his own face.

“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry… for calling you Kris all this time.”

The man fell quiet upon the unexpected apology, his chest growing even tighter than before. Giving the younger male an uneasy smile, he steadied his index finger on the trigger. “It’s okay.”

Click.

It was a shock to Kris for him to still be alive, this coming clear on his face. A strange mixture of relief and also disappoint swept over him. He simply placed the revolver back on the middle of the table, wiping the sweat off of his forehead with the back of his hand. Chanyeol rested his palm over the revolver, slowly pulling it towards himself.

“I’ve been thinking of suicide for a very long time… ever since I entered high school. I never thought that it would come down to this, though. I was desperate for happiness, Kris… I just wanted to be happy. Nobody ever really knew why I was so depressed, though. One reason would be for me being gay. My school attacked me and my parents detested me. I guess I should have been stronger, but, it was hard…”

Chanyeol fell quiet for a minute or so before speaking again.

“Did you know I killed my parents? I killed them for… for making me so upset. I wanted them to feel my pain, so… I tortured them. After that I… I killed my partner for bringing all this pain onto me. To be honest, I just went crazy, and… Every day, I regret those things I did. I’m depressed from so many things that hurt me, even my insecurities about myself – I-I don’t think I can even give many specific reasons. Just… everything, really. I guess my confession would be that… I joined the gang in hope of finding joy in killing others. I wanted revenge for what I went through, yet… T-That proved to fail to help.”

Chanyeol closed his eyes tightly and very soon, tears began to fall down his cheeks, curving around his chin then building up together before falling. The cylinder, once again, played its music of death before gradually coming to an end.

“C-Chanyeol… You can still quit, you know…” Kris’s words surprised himself, not expecting them to come out. Chanyeol’s eyes, still shut, twitched before opening, staring at Kris long and hard.

“You really don’t understand, do you?” Roughly running his hand against one of his eyes, Chanyeol sniffed as the tears quietly ran down his face. “I wanted to play this with you so… I could try and be happy one way or another. I would be happy if I got the bullet because I then I would die and… get these burdens away from me forever. I would also be happy if you die because… Because I can try and seek that joy of somebody else’s death one more time…” Click.

Kris stared at Chanyeol, frozen and shocked. His lips were slightly parted as the sadistic truth sunk into his head. Chanyeol was always a sketchy boy, ever since the first crime.


“Robbers! Honey, wake up, hurry!”
“Kris, hurry and get the stuff!”
“I got it, now get your ass out and hurry the fuck up!”

Both boys ran from their positions, pillow sacks jammed with goods. As the valuable items clanked together, they charged for the door, only stopping for a second upon hearing two bangs of a gun going off. “Hurry!”, terrified for their lives, the pair of siblings ran out, heading back to the loft.

Finally, they had reached the loft, breathless yet proud of themselves - proud that they hadn’t gotten caught and proud that they were proven to be safe.

“Hey, get Chanyeol, he loves this stuff.”
“Kris, I thought he was with you.”
“Excuse me?”
“He said after you two left that he was going with you…”
“The hell…”


There was such a huge temptation and go across the table and strangle Chanyeol, to scold him for his cruel intentions. However, something kept him from doing so and to contain his anger. Perhaps it was those doe eyes or wild hair, but… whatever. With a growl, Kris brought the revolver back to him, his anger quickly disappearing as he realized the situation they were in.

“It actually… shocked me when you noticed how upset I was… how you noticed that I was depressed.”


“Kris? Can I come in?”
“Considering the fact that we both share this room, yeah, you can.”

And with that, the door cracked open, the awkward boy walking inside. He then allowed himself to flop onto the bed, making Kris give one of his rare chuckles and pat the boy’s head. Chanyeol laid on his back, placing his hands behind his head as his eyes fixed on the ceiling. His creepy smile soon faded as a more serious expression came upon his face, as if he were lost in thought.

“You know, Kris, I don’t like seeing you depressed.”


“I’m still unsure why I agreed to doing this game, to be honest… I think now I can actually admit that I’m scared. I don’t know why I’m scared, though… I don’t want to live, Chanyeol. I just want to get another chance at life – the one I’m living in right now isn’t the right one. Every road I take just seems to lead to a dead end… Even though I don’t want to live anymore, I still regret things… I want to do many things before I die, yet, I’m scared to… I’m not as strong as everybody thinks I am.”


“Kris?”

The pleading, deep voice of the male besides him successfully interrupted his sleep, resulting into a grumble of annoyance. Even in the darkness, he could just see those huge eyes melting into the back of his head, containing whatever emotions they were feeling.

“Yes?”
“Why… Why was I born to be… me?”

Out of all reasons to wake him up, why was it this one? He must not have slept at all, considering the random question and the tone of his voice. Kris furrowed his eyebrows as he realized he would not be able to go back to sleep for some time and just rolled over to face Chanyeol with sleepy eyes. He was use to this night time chats by now and it didn’t take him long to get into the mood for telling advice.

“Everybody is born for a reason, Chanyeol… Sometimes we never figure out the reasons, but everybody was born to do something in order to provide an important thing to our world. Nobody is made without a purpose, and, I guess that’s just life’s sick game for us… to make us figure out why we were made. Why were you made? I guess…”

You were made to make me feel weird, weird feelings. You were made to bring heat to the apples of my cheeks at the most random moments. You were made to make my stomach feel uneasy. You were made to bring joy when I’m having my worst days. You were made to selfishly clog my thoughts, even when you’re not here.

“You were made to make somebody happy.”


“I’m playing this game because I can’t imagine not being with you when you were to die. Not saying I don’t have as much of an odd of dying either, but… I knew if I were to refuse your request to play this game, you would go someplace far away and commit suicide there. This is the only way I can be with you in your last moments, or… my… last moments.”

The haunting beat began once more as Kris held the revolver, the effects of his last turn finally breaking in. His heart skipped a beat upon the cylinder stopping on a designated slot. Glancing at Chanyeol with a nervous face, the corner of the boy’s lips curled upwards in a smile of encouragement.

The muzzle seemed to find its way to Kris’s forehead, right where it previously was. His heart harshly hit against his chest to the point where he actually believed it may come out. His eyelids slowly fell down over his eyes, shading his world in the color of black. One… Two… Three…

Nothing. When he reopened his eyes, no pain took over his body and he was still in the same place as he last remembered. The only thing that seemed to change was the condition of Chanyeol – his shaking had increased to an even more dramatic rate and the tears just went down his face more intensely than before. To see the boy like this, it… it hurt more than anything.

Chanyeol took the gun once when Kris placed it on the table, taking ownership for it once again. Resting his fingers against his lips, Kris took a moment of attempting to calm himself, his breathing slowly getting more normal and solid. God, if you exist… Let me die.

“You said to me awhile ago that I was made to make somebody happy… I never… I never thought that I could make somebody happy in my life. Happiness became something that was so foreign to me, so strange. Whenever I thought I made somebody happy, a horrible, horrible outcome would arrive for them. I began to get rid of them to spare them, because… I… I wanted them to die… happily.”

His cries were gradually increasing to the point where whenever he would speak, no words would come out, but sounds of nonsense. Hiccups and gasps of airs filled the room as Kris curled his hand against the table, resisting the urge to hold Chanyeol in his arms like he would do whenever the boy had nightmares in the loft.

Chanyeol’s eyes had gotten larger in size, if that was possible, as they were getting redder and puffer by the second. “I-I may di-ie in this very second b-b-but… I-I have to say…” The cylinder rolled around before Chanyeol pressed his thumb against it to harshly stop it.


“I’m going to run away, Kris. I’m going to run away from this gang.”
“Are you crazy?! You have a shelter, food, protection –“
“But I’m not happy! I came here for happiness and I haven’t gotten it. This shouldn’t be what I’m doing with my life, commit crimes on a daily basis.”

Kris stared at the boy for a long while. There were many moments when he couldn’t take him seriously, and perhaps that was because of his weird and occasionally optimistic personality. However, in this very moment, he seemed to.

“You know if you leave, I won’t be able to see you anymore.” Kris began in a hushed whisper
“I know, but, I’ll find out a way. You’re my best friend, I couldn’t not see you anymore. I’ll… figure out a way, I promise.”

Chanyeol already had his bag in rested against his back and was ready to leave whenever Kris gave him the permission to. The older man stared at the boy for a long while. It hurt to see him leave, far more than it ever hurt him to see somebody go before. A piece of his heart seemed to be breaking off along with a horrible feeling engulfing his body.

The taller man took a step closer to Chanyeol, resting his hands upon his shoulders. One of his hands rose to slip underneath Chanyeol’s fringe, revealing his forehead. Upon it being exposed, Kris leaned forward and pressed his lips against his forehead, wishing time would stop in this minute.

His lips lingered there before he slowly pulled away, the feeling of Chanyeol’s skin against his lips something he quickly craved. Reluctantly, he removed his hand from Chanyeol’s fringe and caressed the boy’s cheek with his thumb, his cheeks beginning to grow warm.

“Be safe.”


“You should know…” The boy rested the muzzle against his forehead, taking a moment to calm his voice. “I love you.”

Bang.

The gunshot echoed in the room as Kris became numb, his blood running cold and eyes grew wide. The once living body of Chanyeol flopped onto the ground, large doe eyes  that once saw the world, but now, only saw the ghosts of its past. Blood, crimson and pure in color slipped from the bullet hole and trickled down his face, giving his pale, lifeless face some color.

“CHANYEOL!”

Kris pushed the chair away from him and fell upon the ground, a burning pain coming to his elbows and knees – it didn’t matter, though. Crawling over to the boy, tears streamed down his face as he finally made it to him, quickly wrapping his toned arms around his small, skinny frame.

All the warmth that existed in his body was beginning to disappear, the only warm thing being the blood against his face. Loud sobs came from Kris as he wailed out curses followed by sharp gasps of air. He pressed his face against the other’s, the warmth of the blood going against his cheek.

If only that hadn’t been it, if that wasn’t the bullet. Kris could have confessed right back to him and convinced him that they could go away and finally be happy. But no, fate had been too cruel, attacking Kris for any bad things he had done. Why? Why?

He never understood why people got so upset when others would die. The way that they would cry and seem to never end their mourning was always a confusing, puzzling concept. When he came today, he knew that there was half a chance that Chanyeol would be the one to die. Even though he wasn’t fond of the idea, it didn’t strike him as hard as it did now. Kris now understood the power of losing somebody and had awarded himself with the biggest regret of his life – not stopping Chanyeol.

The pain that his heart seemed to be experiencing was something he would have never imagined to have felt. It was filled with so much sorrow and hurt, it seemed to be crumbling with every millisecond. The one he loved was gone… forever.

His cries grew louder as he shakily took the revolver, harshly removing the cap in order to locate the second bullet to end his own life also. The things he saw were blurred and distorted through his never ending tears, making it take Kris a few second before being able to see the slots in the revolver. However, what he discovered was something unexpected.

There was no second bullet.


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Wow. I normally don't read horror but this... this is... just.

Okay. Just wow. And it's a good wow :D

Thank you so much! ♥ I have a guilty pleasure for writing horror ~ I'm glad that the "wow" is a good one.

Edited at 2012-05-08 09:24 pm (UTC)

Normally i avoid character death related fics as... just,urgh (not for me).
But this, blew my mind (worst pun ever). So well written.
Wow. Seriously, wow :D

OH GOSH, THE PUN. I actually giggled when I read it! Very clever.

So many wows! Hopefully they're all good, but thank you so much! ♥

Funny thing is when i typed the comment and hit post all i was thinking was "worst pun ever"
Go me for being clever without aiming to be :)
I stand by my original words - Wow. Seriously,wow.
I've read this about 6 times now. I just love it.

I don't blame you! It was really funny, though! -claps for your cleverness-

Ehh?! Six times?! That makes me a bit nervous about how well written it is, but, as long as you enjoyed it. ;~;

"There was no second bullet."
oh my God! T_T
I really don't like character death related fics but you're fic is different.
i'm in love with this fic

Thank you so much! ;~; ♥ I'm glad that you love it!

oh wow! what a nice piece to read! beautiful writing also :D
I always want to read this kind character of Chanyeol & Kris, and you write it well!

This fic can't contain feels T_T my otp ;;
Please make another Krisyeol ;;

Thank you so much! ♥ Mm, I'm not really sure how I made their types of characters, I guess it just developed as I wrote more and more? xD

I will definitely write more Krisyeol! I love them, they're such a nice pairing.

wtf noooooooooo im crying!!! but i loved it

Eeeh! Don't cry! Use a lot of tissues ~ ! Thank you a ton, though! ♥

Wow, this is like... really, really amazing. I'm surprised it hasn't gone viral yet!
Really love this ♥ greatgreatgreat. beautifully written. So sad to see my biases depressed to that extent ;A;

After that I… I killed my partner for bringing all this pain onto me.
is this baekyeol

This is really gorgeous, the plot, the way it's written, the ending, the characterization, everything ♥

Thanks for writing this, really enjoyed reading this :D Sorry for the bad comment ^^; I would quote some parts of the fic that I especially liked but I'd probably end up quoting everything and I have a whole bunch of homework and yeah XD

Viral?! Seriously?! That would be amazing! I would never imagine one of my pieces to go viral, though, I don't think they're even close to that good. xD Thank you so much for your compliment, though! And yeah, it is really sad, but I think it shows how horrible depression is. ;~;

maybejustalittlebaekyeol

Thank you again! ♥ And your comment wasn't bad at all! I really enjoyed it! Normally, comments make me smile happily like a mad woman, and yours did it! So, it's all good ~ Ehh, do your homework! That's far more important. xD

Edited at 2012-05-13 04:47 am (UTC)

They're more than good enough to go viral, honestly ^^

Welcome :] I'm glad I make you smile ^^~
But I've been dying to read this since it was posted, but never got the chance to because of homework and I finally finished most of it, I had to celebrate \o/
So yes, this is more important than what homework I have to do left o3o

Oh my god sun this was fantastic, amazing, mindblowingly awesome chjddjvfmsk i love love love it , my heart is breaking but please write more krisyeol!!! ♥

Can I ask for permission to translate this into Vietnamese?
I'll give full credit to you and link back to your original post
Hope to hear from you soon
Thank you ^^

Oh, of course! I would be so honored to have it translated, oh goodness. I'm sorry for the late reply, but you may! Would it be alright if I could receive a link after you've translated it?

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